Written by will-c on November 10, 2009, 05:51:56 PM
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Countdown is on and phoebe is obsessed with the clock so I always get a bit of peace when its on. A bit of an update on the whole cold turkey situation. I basically fluffed it as it got too horrendous and I couldn't look after Phoebe and what not and go through the withdrawal process. I eventually called the shared care service and got booked into see the doctor. The reason I didn't want to go to shared care was they are based in the addaction office I worked in, up until I got hijacked and sacked, so I had/have zero trust when it comes to the manager and walking into the service with my daughter as, I know he is the kind of person to put in a social service referral through just for the sake of it, Fair enough they (social services) wouldn't do much other than call a meeting to see if there is any danger or risk, which there is none. I just don't want me or my family to go through something like that. The other reason was my partner has been offered a job with the shared care service and is going through the CRB process at this point and I really didn't want to jeopardise her job offer. Any way i have been assured that my attending shared care will not effect my partners job offer. The trip with the addaction manager I just got to try and avoid his little narcissistic superiority world and hope shared care protect me from any malicious intents.
Medication wise. I went for Subutex as i had never tried the drug outside of sniffing a few here and there and cranking multiple Temgesic many years ago. I read what I could online, stop using and prepared myself to go into withdrawals. To be honest i did fear taking the drug as its a kind of unstoppable force once the process has been started, at least for 24 hours anyway. I took 4mg and didnt feel good, took another 4mg an hour later until I got to 20 mg 5 hours later and still feeling crap. I took a bag of gear and got zilch, got through the night and took another bag of gear in the morning, still got zilch. The next day i got back to the doctors and was put on a methadone script starting at 30mg/ml for 1 day, then 40mg/ml for 3 days and finally 50mg/ml for the last few days. I was geared to keep rising until around 60mg/ml but feel stable on the 40 to 50 so have capped it there until I start preparing to come back down again. On the methadone side, my partner for some reason hates the drug or hates me [ ... ]
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Hi Will, - how is your detox going? I know it is so much harder to do when you have got children to look after. I know for me it was always because of my responsibilites as a parent that I had to decide that I could not do it to my own plan, - which was, like yours, to get through the worst over the week and be opiate free. It is very difficult to do when you have a child to look after, - you have to cook for them, clean, - just basically be there for them, and you just cannot do that when y [ ... ]
Written by will-c on October 30, 2009, 02:50:38 PM
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Once again I find myself at the gateway of a cold turkey, I can not believe I am back here after everything I have been through. Will I ever learn? fuck I am so sick of myself and this crappy situation.
I am stuck between a rock and hard place with a pile of fear in the middle.
I got about a score bag a day habit and my arse is up against the wall to get off as soon as possible, well actually I got a little boggie left on the foil and thats it. This weekend I am hoping to break the back of the horrible shivery/shakey stuff and then battle through the week to shaking off the emotional and mental unrest.
I would go to the local drug services if I wasn't in this bloody area. I can't go to the drug service (addaction) because I worked for them up until they terminated my position after some power crazy little manager went through my personal drawer and found a statement in a letter that I had been using. I was suspended while I was subjected to a hair sample, which they said would be fair, like bollocks was it fair because even if it did come back positive they would not be able to properly indicate when I had used. Anyway it came back ''nothing detected' but during my suspension PC manager went through my internet use and discovered I had visited a web site called rude/naughty tube it was funny link I was sent but was of a pornographic nature. So they couldn't substantiate the drug use but sacked me for the web site. which is a joke in its self as any one who knows me, knows I am not into porn, mags, films or websites. Its just not me. Anyway, I was sacked the same week my daughter was born. Since then I have applied for job after job and got nothing, so have been doing the house father role while my partner went out working. I have done a class one job as a house father but inside as a man who is used to working I was getting more and more depressed and isolated. I tried to get some benefits and was told I didn't qualify because my partner works. I started popping some Nurofen plus every few days which became daily and then esculated from a 12 pack to 30 to 40 a day. Such a horrible niggly little habit they can give you. Anyway with having Hep C for 20 years and popping so many OTC meds my liver started to experience ext [ ... ]
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So you worked for Addaction but that doesn't prevent you from receiving treatment from them; needs must!! How have things been since you last posted to this blog?
Written by will-c on October 02, 2009, 12:51:56 PM
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I just took phoebe to her afternoon session at the nursery.
I hate dropping her off as, I feel like my heart is getting run over by a lorry. At the moment we have been putting her into nursery to afternoons a week, well sessions they call them from 1 till 4pm. However, with cash being super tight and no job coming up in the near future we are having to drop her days from two to one afternoon session. I feel like I have been black listed from drug services and agencies as nothing seems to be coming my way, when I never used to have an issue getting an interview or a job. I used to smash applications and interviews. I think maybe I have said too much on forums and what not, over time, that its all come back around to bite me in the ass. Talking about arses the last drug service people turned up for an interview was snapped http://media.super.cz/892/138924I-original-79zhm.jpg Oh I do hope that link works or the point will be lost.
I have uploaded a few pictures of phoebe onto my twitpic, let me see if I can post a link to her current look, http://twitpic.com/jtyll Shit I will need to get back to this thread, I forgot I got to get to the shops. I have pasted a picture of phoebe so peep can see how she has progressed. I am not sure if the link I have given is for my twitpic site, so might need to edit it laters.
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She is very cute - don't take your eyes off her as the next thing you know she will be all grown up!!!!! My daughters 15th tomorrow! AHHHH!!!
Hi Will - great photos, Pheobe is absolutely gorgeous, and its nice to put a face to a name. I tend to agree with Ursula - its probably just the current job climate - there was a documentary on tv recently that said that the jobs market is so saturated that even middle-class men with 1st class degrees are finding it difficult to get jobs - so they are going for ones they are overqualified for - which affects people who are going for those jobs and are qualified for them.
Phoebe's gorgeous. I love the one of the two of you lying down, looking quizzical at the camera. I know the feeling with the dropping your baby off thing - D spends two nights a week at his dad's house and while I know he's having a great time and his dad's a wonderful man, I tend to wander around being a bit morose and unfocused when he's away.
I'm sorry you're having such problems getting work - it may just be the current climate. I know there are a lot of hiring freezes on.
Written by will-c on September 25, 2009, 09:29:03 AM
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In 20 minutes I need to wake phoebe up, put her in the buggy and wheel her down to the dole office to do fortnightly signing on malarkey. The irony is I don't even get a giro/benefit as I was assessed as not qualifying for any benefit. I need to do the sign on part to pay my national insurance contributions what ever that means. I went to the dentist the other day and got a follow up appointment in a few weeks for treatment, which is NHS paid, so I guess it has its reasons.
I am sitting watching the Jeremy Kyle show, I think I absolutely hate this show so don't understand why I continue to watch the damn show. Its his moralistic view points that anyone not working is scroungers and when it comes to drugs he becomes the judge jury and executioner and informs people they can not see their children any more because they have used weed or what ever. if the gullible people admit to their drug use, out pops Graham who is like a spitting image caricature of a snobby liberal addictions expert. he gets right up my nose.
I got to go but i was saddened that Keith Floyd Patrick Swaze died recently, to great character and drinkers
fuck I am so sick of myself and this crappy situation. 
