Written by will-c on November 10, 2009, 05:51:56 PM
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Countdown is on and phoebe is obsessed with the clock so I always get a bit of peace when its on. A bit of an update on the whole cold turkey situation. I basically fluffed it as it got too horrendous and I couldn't look after Phoebe and what not and go through the withdrawal process. I eventually called the shared care service and got booked into see the doctor. The reason I didn't want to go to shared care was they are based in the addaction office I worked in, up until I got hijacked and sacked, so I had/have zero trust when it comes to the manager and walking into the service with my daughter as, I know he is the kind of person to put in a social service referral through just for the sake of it, Fair enough they (social services) wouldn't do much other than call a meeting to see if there is any danger or risk, which there is none. I just don't want me or my family to go through something like that. The other reason was my partner has been offered a job with the shared care service and is going through the CRB process at this point and I really didn't want to jeopardise her job offer. Any way i have been assured that my attending shared care will not effect my partners job offer. The trip with the addaction manager I just got to try and avoid his little narcissistic superiority world and hope shared care protect me from any malicious intents.
Medication wise. I went for Subutex as i had never tried the drug outside of sniffing a few here and there and cranking multiple Temgesic many years ago. I read what I could online, stop using and prepared myself to go into withdrawals. To be honest i did fear taking the drug as its a kind of unstoppable force once the process has been started, at least for 24 hours anyway. I took 4mg and didnt feel good, took another 4mg an hour later until I got to 20 mg 5 hours later and still feeling crap. I took a bag of gear and got zilch, got through the night and took another bag of gear in the morning, still got zilch. The next day i got back to the doctors and was put on a methadone script starting at 30mg/ml for 1 day, then 40mg/ml for 3 days and finally 50mg/ml for the last few days. I was geared to keep rising until around 60mg/ml but feel stable on the 40 to 50 so have capped it there until I start preparing to come back down again. On the methadone side, my partner for some reason hates the drug or hates me on it and is giving me allot of hassle over everything. I hope we can make it and I honestly believe we can get through this horrible stage in our lifes. I get accused of minimising everything, maybe I do.... I am hopeful that things will work out well and i can get back on track again and all that I will have to remember this phase is a tattoo on my wrist with a date that doesn't really make sense no more.
Tomorrow I had 2 interviews for jobs however, they are about 50 to 60 miles apart and I couldn't get them shifted so have to sacrifice one for the other. One was for the post office and the other an alcohol outreach worker. The problem I have is child care. I asked the nursery if I could swap phoebe's Friday afternoon for tomorrow, they initially said they couldn't do it and then had a change of heart and called me back about a half hour later and said they could. I now need to drop her off at 1.00pm, travel by bus 30 odd miles to get to the interview for 2.30 and then try and get back by 4.pm to pick her back up. Only in the movies can you turn up to an interview for a job and demonstrate passion and commitment. She is screaming at me now as she has taken in the past few days to screaming blue murder when she wants something or drops something.
1 Comment
Hi Will, - how is your detox going? I know it is so much harder to do when you have got children to look after. I know for me it was always because of my responsibilites as a parent that I had to decide that I could not do it to my own plan, - which was, like yours, to get through the worst over the week and be opiate free. It is very difficult to do when you have a child to look after, - you have to cook for them, clean, - just basically be there for them, and you just cannot do that when you are suffering withdrawals. Part of the withdrawals for me was feeling very depressed, - and I always thought it a bit unfair for my wee lad to see my like that. Especially as there are no other adults there to look after him. It is difficult.
I think the thing with people 's attitude about their loved one being on methadone is about the messages given about it in the media. People are portrayed as low life junkies - people who can't be trusted and have serious problems. It is a myth sold by the media as it helps sell their papers - and of course it is not just in this area that they generalise and promote ignorance, - class, race, gender, age. It is sad and frustrating - but a vital part of the capitalist sytem - which keeps people divided, insecure and ignorant. They are so much easier to manipulate that way.
I think you did the right thing Will, - keep us posted. Alli x
