Written by lynseyrachel on March 21, 2009, 01:32:00 PM
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hello everyone, well, its been well over a month since i came and posted my last article on here.....sorry for the delay, ive been trying to get my life....and my head, straight. I am now on a methadone script, which is helping me immensly......i still get the cravings, and am still using a TINSY WINSY little bit (i hear you all shaking your heads at me.......well, dont worry- nobody is shaking their head at me more than i am at myself!)......which seems to me, the hardest leap to make. Ive easily and qwikly tapered myself down from a £100 day habit to less than a bag a day then got my script.No probs. Now im using so very, very little, even with the help of a script, im finding the couple of £££'s worth im taking WAAAY more harder than the £100 a day habit, if you get me? Why?? I really dnt know.....i wish i did, cos then i cud address the problem and probably deal with it....but part of me thinks its a psychological thing, up in my head.....my 'comfort' zone. I guess old habits die hard too, .......esp after 10years heavy daily usage. I'm in the middle of enrolling on a college course, as i feel, like i said in my last blog, that if i am busy, i dont find myself thinking of the damn stuff. When im at home, alone....it's THEN that it eats away at me. But i never thought i cud come so far as what i have.....even tho im not totally there yet.......so i guess there is nothing stopping me making the last and final little(well, huge,to me, really, Lol!! ) jump into freedom of heroin. Its NOT always practical nor possible to get outta the hose when i get a craving.......what do you guys do to stop yourself from thinking and craving for it?? I guess my plight has been made all the harder by tackling two HUGE issues AT THE SAME TIME!!! i stopped all this £100 day crap when my fella of 16 years - and both my kids dad - walked out on us all suddenly and with no explanation, nearly 3 months ago. It has all been a bit (a LOT actually|!!) of an emotional rollercoaster for me, these past 3 months, and looking back, i really DONT know how the hell ive done it.....but i have......and im almost habit free!! I never, after 16 years, thought id ever call myself a ' single-parent'.....it feels so strange.......i have to be mum AND dad at the same time - but i guess i was used to doing that anyway So....here i am, nearly 3 months on.......and im still here and feeling ok-ish. A hell of a lot better than i was, and coping a lot better, emotionally-wise. I will now continue to blog regualrly and keep ya all updated with my progress!!! wish me luck, my friends......and i also hope everything in all your lives are going ok, too. LOVE FROM LYNSEYRACHEL XXXXXX
3 Comments
Glad to hear you're doing so well LR. I believe it's quite common for people to continue using when they first go on methadone. However, it's important to make sure you're on a high enough dose which can help a little with those cravings and get you over that last hurdle. You've made a huge leap and should be very proud of yourself. Keep it up and keep us posted. Best wishes. Jules x
Hi LR - seems to me you are doing brilliantly - you should be really pleased with yourself and proud of yourself. A difficult enough thing to do - but doing it whilst being a single parent - heroic!, your kids will really thank you for it in the future. I would agree with what Jules has said - maybe go up a bit on your methadone to get rid of the last of the cravings, - they will go eventually, once you are stable for a while. Having people to talk to is really helpful too, - getting some support from people who understand what you are going through. Maybe your clinic can refer you for some counselling - I have now had 3 sets of 12 sessions whilst I have been coming down off my methadone - and its been invaluable. I too am a single parent and it is a real struggle sometimes, and I only have the 1 - so having that safe space to have a good old moan or cry or whatever, - without being judged, is really important. Groups can also be useful - just stay away from the people that are not ready to stabilise completely. All the best LR, alli x
Damn, Lynseyr, You been through the mill, I Hope your OK, Just be strong for you and your kids, thats the main thing. Hopefully by now you will have adjusted to being on Methadone. Theres no good ending when heroin is concerned, it all ends terribly, but like people have said your doing well, (at the time of writing) Please keep strong, College is a top idea, I wasted my Degree because of heroin and cant afford to go back ATM, was looking at some summer school days at my uni, They're pretty expense though, I'll give you a run down sometime in the week, promise.
I Cant stop, I Just hope your well and things are good for you at the moment. Take care. Kevinxx
) jump into freedom of heroin. Its NOT always practical nor possible to get outta the hose when i get a craving.......what do you guys do to stop yourself from thinking and craving for it??
