Wondering how I can help

[luisa]

I have become a carer without actually realising it too, and I'm finding it pretty difficult. I've never known anyone on drugs, or coming off them and now I've jumped in the deep end by finding a boyfriend first on H and now on methadone. It's hard and sometimes I'm so impatient and I forget what he's going through. I have a lot of questions and was hoping to find some people in a similar situation to me! My main worry is how to stay patient and always be supportive!

[maggiem]

Hello Luisa and welcome.
You have probably read my posts about my daughter and the turmoil that being a carer can bring into your life.
I do understand what you are feeling, the love/hate relationship, frustration, researching everything you can then not wanting to know anything!! We are suddenly plunged into a mixture of emotions that can change at any given time.
I have found this site helpful by looking at and trying to understand different viewpoints, the advice is good even when its something you rather not know. I read the posts on an almost daily basis but at times it gets too much and I want to hide away!
Please feel free to email me at anytime.
Maggie

[Jules]

Hi Luisa

I've been with my partner for 4 years now during which time he's used, been on a script, been to prison, back on a script, relapsed and now back on a script as of today.  The things I have endured are too painful to talk about and would take too long to list.  The sad reality is that, had I known 4 years ago what was to come, I'm not sure I would have continued with the relationship.  It has taken it's toll on my health, both physically and emotionally and, of course, my bank account.  My only advice is not to expect too much of yourself.  We are not saints and cannot be patient and supportive all the time.  I have fought my own demons with alcohol so am perhaps more understanding of addictions and the difficulties that giving up can bring.  By all means love and support him......but don't lose sight of who YOU are or forget your own needs.  Sorry to sound so pessimistic, I guess I'm just having a bad day!  Of course everyone is different and I hope he appreciates you.  I genuinely wish you both well.  By the way, this forum (or the helpline) is wonderful for any advice or information you need.

Best wishes.

Julie

[bp]

Luisa

Please, please call our helpline and we can have a chat, everything is confidential and I promise, you will feel much better afterwards. We have a team meeting tomorrow so you may get our answer phone, but please leave a number and one of our helpline people will get back to you within the hour. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best Wishes

Beryl

[luisa]

Thank you everybody, it's good to know someone else is there in the same situation. I feel like I've got into something I don't really know anything about and it's good to have discovered this forum.
I'd like to call Beryl, but I'm working and I don't want to call from work, and I'm in Belgium so it's difficult. But I'll try to find a moment soon. Thank you!

[bp]

We're open until 7pm on Friday ;-)

B

[Maddy]

We will be open until at least 7, if not 7.30pm on friday 13th (arrggg!!!, not that I'm superstitious!!). Feel free to get in touch if talking to us helps. I have read your posts and have an understanding of your situation. I can always call you back if that is an issue. I will be on the helpline on friday....maddy x

[Lelee]

Hi Luisa, I just wanted to reassure you that you are certainly not on your own. There are many of us in similar circumstances whether that be as a partner, parent or family member.
For the lucky ones, many who use substances have a family network and people who care around them and all are affected in various ways by the problem.

It's a difficult situation for all to be in, trapped is a word that comes to mind, both for the user and the people who care. Nobody deliberately chooses to become dependent on a substance or could know at the begining where it can all lead.

We do have choices however, and it's sometimes easy to forget that as a carer. We can get so caught up in others needs and so desperate  that we forget our own.

I'm gald you've found us and we all can help with our different experiences and perspectives. There's no singular answer to this as I'm sure you realise. Please don't think you have to be ever patient and understanding, that's an impossible expectation to put on yourself, but I do understand why you feel this way.

As Maddy says, when we're manning the help line we're keeping it open till 7-7.30pm if individual circumstances allow. It's my turn today! I'm here if you need to talk and our Maddy's around tomorrow.

Take care,
Linda