Just for starters

[Lelee]

“A carer is someone, who, without payment, provides help and support to a partner, child, relative, friend or neighbour, who could not manage without their help. This could be due to age, physical or mental illness, addiction or disability.” - www.carers.org

To be a carer in our society is to be in a minority but is usually seen as socially acceptable. However, to be a carer of someone who is experiencing problematic substance dependency is often seen as socially unacceptable. If the substance is a class A drug such as heroin or crack with the attached social stigma, the carer often feels judged alongside the person they care for. This can lead to misplaced shame, isolation and concealment causing social exclusion by association. They are taken into a world they often know nothing about.

The carer of a person with a substance dependency will also often experience having to witness withdrawals, deal with chaos, and cope with courts, prisons and police knocking at their door.  All these things are small beside the carer’s most urgent fear – that of losing their loved one.

There have been many studies demonstrating that if the whole family unit is worked with there is more chance of successful treatment. It makes sense.

Every time someone is unable to access appropriate treatment it affects the whole support network around that person and everyone suffers.

Linda Lee

[maggiem]

Thankyou Linda for the list of websites, I will be reading up later.  Funny you know but I never thought of myself as a carer as it is something you just do! But thinking back over the last two years and the situations that have been forced onto us as a family have put unbearable stress on all of us. 
Yes I have seen my daughter go through all sorts of unpleasant things, physically, mentally, socially and anti-socially and we have cared for her without realising the damage it was doing to us. Yes there is a terrible stigma and we feel excluded as its not the sort of thing you talk about when neighbours ask (even family members)! You certainly know who your true friends are, luckily its my husband, son and other daughter.
I decided to quit work just before it all came out in the open because of stress(if only I had known what little stress I was actually under then)!!! I had a good network of friends there but because of the stigma I have not been back to see them, too many questions(they knew her as a very talented beautiful young lady and I am sure they have seen her about in the past not looking her best.  People should be educated to the fact that a lot of addicts are decent human beings that made that one bad mistake and need help.
This has opened my eyes and I have learnt a lot about myself, it is hugely frustrating and exhausting keeping yourself sane for the sake of others in the family. Each day is something else to grab hold of and hope the next is better.
My daughter is having intensive counselling, one to one and group therapy, she is very lucky as the people there are great.  Her local chemist are descrete and caring, they all know me. How surprised they were when they discovered who my daughter was!!
I often ask myself whether I would like the councelling or someone to care for me!  I am entitled to be selfish sometimes.  But I do like this site because I can say what I am feeling and no one knows me and it helps. The bottle of red wine helps too!.
Yes I suppose I am a carer, more than I thought.
Sorry to go on.
Maggie

[bp]

I am entitled to be selfish sometimes.

Maggie

Yes you are entitled to be selfish but one would be hard pushed to call you that. What you are entitled to, and hopefully receive, is love, respect and tons of T.L.C., plus a bottle or two of red wine occasionally  Carers are an unrecognised and often undervalued group and I think you're wonderful.

Beryl


Thankyou Linda for the list of websites, I will be reading up later.  Funny you know but I never thought of myself as a carer as it is something you just do! But thinking back over the last two years and the situations that have been forced onto us as a family have put unbearable stress on all of us. 
Yes I have seen my daughter go through all sorts of unpleasant things, physically, mentally, socially and anti-socially and we have cared for her without realising the damage it was doing to us. Yes there is a terrible stigma and we feel excluded as its not the sort of thing you talk about when neighbours ask (even family members)! You certainly know who your true friends are, luckily its my husband, son and other daughter.
I decided to quit work just before it all came out in the open because of stress(if only I had known what little stress I was actually under then)!!! I had a good network of friends there but because of the stigma I have not been back to see them, too many questions(they knew her as a very talented beautiful young lady and I am sure they have seen her about in the past not looking her best.  People should be educated to the fact that a lot of addicts are decent human beings that made that one bad mistake and need help.
This has opened my eyes and I have learnt a lot about myself, it is hugely frustrating and exhausting keeping yourself sane for the sake of others in the family. Each day is something else to grab hold of and hope the next is better.
My daughter is having intensive counselling, one to one and group therapy, she is very lucky as the people there are great.  Her local chemist are descrete and caring, they all know me. How surprised they were when they discovered who my daughter was!!
I often ask myself whether I would like the councelling or someone to care for me!  I am entitled to be selfish sometimes.  But I do like this site because I can say what I am feeling and no one knows me and it helps. The bottle of red wine helps too!.
Yes I suppose I am a carer, more than I thought.
Sorry to go on.
Maggie

[Lelee]

Maggie you haven't gone on at all and this is excatly what this link is for. I can relate to everything you're saying. It's not at all unusual for people in our situations not to consider ourselves as a carer  but that's what we are by definition.  If it wasn't for my friends and the support of The Allaince who I discovered by chance further down the line I'd have gone insane I think. (Maybe it's too late and I have!)

We all have our stories to tell. I had to go on 6 months sick leave from work to provide 24/7 support for my son who was so sick at the time he wasn't responsible for his actions. I knew hardly anything about heroin then except it was highly addictive and I'd been lucky enough never to cross that line when I was younger. It's so available now and nobody sets out to become addicted to anything. We all think we're bigger than that and it won't happen to us.

We had a lot of trouble accessing support and appropriate treatment, I couldn't believe how difficult it was to get help when someone was so sick and desperate.  

The other thing that really concerns me is that because people have to wait for treatment, or even the right treatment, many end up in the criminal justice system because they resort to petty crime to fund their habit. I mean I certainly would if it was me, after witnessing my son's withdrawals, and I couldn't get money any other way. How does that make sense?  Prison is overcrowded and yet the system is set this way at present. The social exclusion experienced by being dependent on illicit drugs is furthered by exclusion from society because of it being so difficult to find employment once you have a record. Why not more services in the community? Why spend that money on prisons?  Hopefully things will change in the future and all and any of us can be a part of influencing that change for the better.

Maggie have you ever been offered a carers assessment? Probably not if you've not considered yourself a carer before. Do they offer any carer/ family services where your daughter attends?

I'm going to attach a carers assessment checklist for you to have a look at. Hope it comes through. No too large. I'll think of another way.

Take care of yourself, have a pamper day, you're dong a great job and mine's a white wine!

Linda  x