sorting mysen out finally!

[usandthem]

Ahhh Jimmy nice post...SUBUTEX..it seems Angie is set up perfectly to go straight on to SUBUTEX treatment..a great tool for keeping opiate heads from swaying into closets.

[Jimmy]

For the runs I used to get 'Diocalm' (name says it all really); a blister pack of chalky tablets which, in relatively big quantities, helped my stomach know end. 'Stomach not quite right' syndrome, I remember from periods of abstinence, always was one of the last symptoms to disappear.

Energy drinks, pure carbohydrate, the ones designed for athletes, I found were really effective for boosting energy levels with food in any quantity difficult to face. Exercise, when the energy begins to return, has probably been most effective for me in terms of maintaining abstinence. I'd then go and get myself addicted to the fitness 'buzz', suffer an injury, not be able to exercise sufficiently, and go back to drugs.

It's a bloody difficult thing to do, stay clean having been addicted to opiates, and everyone learns there own best methods.

Jimmy

[angiesims AKA true grit :)]

Hi guys well it is defo a battle lol. Thanks for your comments they are soo helpful yesterday was on bad ass day I cried my eyes out constantly. I just feel like Im doing this alone as the other half just got a night job as we'd arranged my detox he will never understand what Im going through as he's a weed head as i jokingly call him he leaves the house 9pm an comes home 8.30am and is in bed for 10am. So I basically see him few hrs a day. Yesterday it got to me. Honest I could taste the green on my mouth! But I turned to the panadol LOL and todays another day. Slept alright tbh well prob 2hrs altogether I remember looking at my phone every hour but the 20mins sleep here an there added up to more than I thought Id get. Im aching and just feel lost in my own home. Too scared to even venture out yet. Strange how confident I am yet this knocks me for six. I will succeed Im more determined now than ever. But monday Im at the docs for sumat to ease the anxiety cos thats what did it for me last time. I've got ten subutex the ten they first gave me monday yesterday I was close to putting one under the old tongue but I didn't. After having 21years of using/meds that surprised me. The Diocalm Im getting cos thats just a no no for me lol thats what I love about opiates you just dont shit! dont cough! dont feel owt! I was never poorly for last 20years apart from the usual od's an dirty digs! Sure today will be a better day. Feeling little better. Thanks all you are the best

[froude]

To be honest,cant see any bug wanting to go anywhere near my body ,he'd get a serious OD on THC lol.All the best froude

[angiesims AKA true grit :)]

hee hee froude well any bug would knock the fook outta me now. Mind you bit a carrying on in street and Im there kicking off dickheads putting bikes in my garden when been chased from police. Dont know where I found my strength was like he-woman! Don't need it when Im not right lol. Its sunday and last sunday was when I took my last 10ml. Still feel shite can't eat not that I ate loads anyway. The only time I've ever been over 9 1/2 stone is when I lived in germany when I did a detox at 19yr old then got deported for using weed!! Yep straight bang at it again within a week off been back. Funny how a lot of memories I've lost over the years but little bits are coming back. I wouldn't want my girl doing the shit I did. Or my boy. The lack of sleep ain't fussing me that much now its the skin crawling an irritating feeliing that is. But each days getting better now. Just cant wait to get my ass to docs monday for sumat for the panic feelings thats crippling me atm... im seeing it through and that the most has shocked me. enjoy ya day

[angiesims AKA true grit :)]

Can see this is gonna be another hard day! Felt alright now feel shit! Fuckin hate this crap. Battle inside my head

[sapphire]

Well done Angie - you're doing really well!! 

Hope it goes ok at the GP's and you get some help, I have nightmare anxiety and it can be so disabling sometimes, people who don't suffer from it don't really understand just how horrible it can be.

[angiesims AKA true grit :)]

Thank you Sapphire teeny bit better today thank gowd! I cried again all day yesterday its unbearable. Didn't sleep a wink but had some mad dreams in space of seconds I did close my eyes lol. Im so angry with the doctor cos when I told her I'd booked 3weeks off work for this she said you don't need 3 weeks you only need 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!! Unreal. This is why I wanna go back to university and continue my social studies in youth work. Because it needs more workers that actually know the score and are compassionate! But its 7 days today since I last took my meth. Didn't take any sleepers last night just wanted to see how I'd be today and tbh feeling ok ish... But as we all know that can change in a breath. Have a good day all

[sapphire]

3 frigging days?? Shows just how out of touch some of these fools really are.

[froude]

Yeah angie your doing really well,keep it up girl,you've worked hard real hard,and earned it,KEEP IT UP!!,All the best froude

[angiesims AKA true grit :)]

yep 3 days sapphire she looked at me in disgust when I said I'd booked 3weeks and shook her head! I think she thought I was gonna fail. Thank god for my key worker cos he's the best I've had since starting treatment 21years ago! I spend 5mins with my doctor yet my appointments with my key can run into 2hours cos he actually is interested and listens lol. Thank you froude still not right prob never will be but im better than I was an thats pushing me on atm. Can't wait to get to cdts this week an shove the subby's an meth in her lap. But then I keep thinking should I keep them LOL 

[sapphire]

Did the GP manage to sort anything out for you with regard to the restless legs nd the anxiety?

[angiesims AKA true grit :)]

My gp surgery is pants sapphire. I started ringing up at 8am like we have to, finally get through at 8.30am to be told all appointments are gone so I will try again tomorrow. My mate sent me some thai tiger oil she gets from Thailand and tbf its not bloody bad lol I put a bit on my ankles and it gives me a cooling sensation which is shithot and just what I need. Funny though for her she gets a warming sensation! The anxiety I'm kinda coping with. Think its just cos no-one knows I've kept this secret from family only the partner knows so trying do it at home when people are knocking ringing messaging I'm surprised I ain't had heart failure lol. Bit better today though thanks 

[OP8S]

Part of my sleep disorder is restless legs, even me mum was taking me to the GP when I was in primary school. Either they just though she wanted me to be sedated or a lot of GPs are unaware that a % of the population suffer from it occassionally on & off. Have had it bad lately which isn't down to using or reduction of methadone. There is loads of meds available off label for it. I get clonazepam some of the others were for Parkinson sufferer's & didn't have information on long term use as it's a degenerative disease. I believe gabapentin helps also, if you can get some. I've started to feel it from the ribs down now, it's like a pain in your bones. Diagnosed RLS they have medicines to treat the symptoms but don't have a scooby what the real cause is. Ammos work for some when in withdrawl but have a paradoxical effect on me & give me RLS.
You should be getting through that stage hopefully by now though?
Best of luck.

[sapphire]

Totally of topic, but sleep related - lately in my sleep I am waking my self up by either shouting or singing at a really high volume, god knows what the neighbours think I'm doing, I've never done this before, and it doesn't coincide with any medication or any other changes. Can't stop doing it and it's really affetcing the quality of my sleep!