medical

[erinshauna]

Hi everyone.
Well I am totally fed up this morning as I have received a form which I have to take to my GP and have a medical done in order to be approved as a carer for my grandaughter.It has me really worried as some of the questions are alarming.It questions past and present emotional problems,present Illness and medication,past drug abuse,whether or not one has had, or is having any form of physciatric or councelling.I asked my GP about 6 months ago for  anti deppressants and sleeping pills as I was on the brink of cracking up regarding my daughter and grandaughter,I have not asked him for them since and in fact I only took the tablets for about 3 days as I did.ny like how they made me feel.I have had physciatriac help in the past but this was more than 25 years ago,I do presently have counselling which is regarding past physical and sexual abuse from my childhood and many of those issues are resolved as much as can be,most of my counselling now deals with the issues regarding my daughter and her drug addiction and the effect on the family and my concerns for my grandaughter.I am just so frightened that Social Services will try to fail me as a carer for my grandaughter.She is the happiest she has been for a long time even though the ultimate goal is for my daughter to go into rehab,fix up and have her daughter living back with her.I am really scared.

[Tony.B.]

Goodness me my friend please take a breathe, look inside and be sure you are a fantastic mother and gran.
My God you are what and who this country has relied upon for the last couple of decades especially Social Care/Services. I think they must have realised that they weren't providing a service so they changed their name.
I am a person who has had my life handed back to me by a Lady very much like yourself, my Mum and Dad supported me in the darkest of times and my two girls when their mum passed on.
I got my girls, my life and now am engaged to be married to a Lady who has never used class A drugs. The girls now 17 and 22 have the best relationship possible with their Nan and Bamps, thew only thing we cannot make better is the loss of mum.
You my very good Lady gave me that life ( your equiv ) so please be proud. Axs for the other stuff. If i were to comment it probably be rather unprofesional.
I must make this clear though.
Social Care are a resource and one to be used. It is very dufficult to work with this system i agree and know but you sound the very epitomy of all that is reasonable, normal and most importantly a caring family member to ALL.
There are carers here that will give a better response but i, as an ex very chaotic user would just like to say THANKS and i hope your daughter gets the opportunity to do the same.
My very Best
TonyB

[Lelee]

I don't think I could say it any better than Tony B. What a lovely post and very true.

Erinshauna, I don't think your past MH issues are relevant. I think that because of your having dealt with your long past experiences that this contributes to your wealth of strengths and qualities that equip you to being a great mother and grandmother. 

It's quite understandable that you sought some form of help from your GP for your stress six months ago and many carers like us are on prescribed medication because of the stress and trauma we experience. You've managed without and full credit to you.   

i don't think that this is what they're looking for, I think they want to know if you've recently began taking illicit substances or are dependent on them or alcohol or if you've had a recent psychotic episode or MH problems that would put your grandaughter at risk and impact on your capabilities.

The fact you're having counselling is a plus I think because it shows self awareness and willingness to take responsibility. If anything I would mention the counselling. They are aware of your daughter's situation and would expect you to be receiving this form of help.

Just to be totally safe you could just make an anonymous general enquiry to social services about this? Check whether someone in this situation has to disclose their resolved abusive experiences from 25 years past. They may even view this as an asset and you may get innundated with foster children!!!. Please don't worry yourself over this.

Take care

Linda x

Linda x

[Lelee]

Ooops, from both of us then!! 

Linda x

[erinshauna]

Goodness me my friend please take a breathe, look inside and be sure you are a fantastic mother and gran.
My God you are what and who this country has relied upon for the last couple of decades especially Social Care/Services. I think they must have realised that they weren't providing a service so they changed their name.
I am a person who has had my life handed back to me by a Lady very much like yourself, my Mum and Dad supported me in the darkest of times and my two girls when their mum passed on.
I got my girls, my life and now am engaged to be married to a Lady who has never used class A drugs. The girls now 17 and 22 have the best relationship possible with their Nan and Bamps, thew only thing we cannot make better is the loss of mum.
You my very good Lady gave me that life ( your equiv ) so please be proud. Axs for the other stuff. If i were to comment it probably be rather unprofesional.
I must make this clear though.
Social Care are a resource and one to be used. It is very dufficult to work with this system i agree and know but you sound the very epitomy of all that is reasonable, normal and most importantly a caring family member to ALL.
There are carers here that will give a better response but i, as an ex very chaotic user would just like to say THANKS and i hope your daughter gets the opportunity to do the same.
My very Best
TonyB

Thank you so much for your reply TonyB and it was lovely to read how much nice things are happening for you.I have just felt everything is on top of me at present and if I am honest I feel somewhat resentful towards my daughter as her drug addiction is what has lead to all this.Of course my resentfulness then makes me feel guilty and I do love all my children dearly and I just want everything to be ok but it seems I have been wishing this for 14 years and it came to the crunch when she became addicted to heroin.Thank you for your encouragement and I can only hope that all will be ok for my grandaughter as I am all she has.
 Take care
Erinshauna

[erinshauna]

Hi Lelee
Thanks for replying.I have been so worried all day and searching the internet trying to find out why one would fail a medical if they wanted to be a foster carer which is what the Social Services class me even though I am the grandmother.I do feel resentful towards my daughter and the Social Services as if only they knew how much of a struggle it has been for me.I dont want to sound self pitying here but I protected and loved,and still do, all my children.I struggled for years to make the best home I could for them,I never hit them,I never allowed anyone to change their nappies due to my own abuse, I never trusted anyone.They were adored by me,they slept in warm comfortable beds everynight,well fed,and all the other stuff us good Mums do.I just think how dare Social Services question my ability as a parent(foster)to my grandaughter but then I start to feel guilty and question where did I go wrong cause if I got it right my daughter would not have been a heroin addict,why did I not teach her that my influence was or should have been stronger than any drug dealer or user out there.What makes me angry also is that I thought that my removing my grandaughter  from her Mothers house would make her stop taking drugs but it kind of backfired as when she went to the Junction project they said by law they had to inform Social Services about her daughter but she blames me for all this even though I had wanted to just try as a last ditch attempt to get her to stop her drugs,also I felt that my grandaughter was at risk and I was terrified she would inhale the fumes of heroin but my daughters reply to that was she never smoked it in the same room and only smoked it when my grandaughter was in bed and always beside a open window,I was still terrified that my grandaughter would touch bits of heroin left on a table in the house.As it was my daughter has been smoking skunk for 14 years and not once could I say I did'nt smell the stuff in her house so really my grandaughter must have had some effect from the skunk.I would have just looked after my grandaughter myself and never informed Social Services.I guess I am just so afraid of them taking my grandaughter away even though I know she would never be harmed in my care.The questions this form asks are crazy,even asking about what form of exercise one does,well I have arthritis and blood pressure both of which I take medication for but everything is a big thing to me at present and I feel vunerable and sensitive.Yesterday my daughter rang me to say she had gone shopping and bought lots of fresh fruit and veg and she was going to tidy her flat,today she rang me and says she is stressed and cant cope and is very depressed.One day I feel so positive and she sounds so normal and together and I get happy,next day I am back down to worrying and almost cannot bear to hear her on the phone as it is the same repetative talk.Is'nt that terrible to feel you cant or dont even want to talk to your own daughter.I am just so tired of it all but now I am back on my guard even more as these Social Services can make one feel they are doing something wrong.They are asking for police checks on people who come to my house or who would have regular contact with my grandaughter,yet these people are friends of mine and none of them are criminals,drugs users or child abusers.However as usual my post is too long and I am sorry for that but it takes me ages to explain stuff.Thanks Lelee for always taking the time for me.
Take care of you
Erinshauna

[Tony.B.]

Oh erinshauna
I am so sorry that you cannot see any light at present but it is always there, it could be the other side of the world remember but back in a few hours.
The real difference, apart from my own cycle of change, motivation and the prescriber thinking out of the box and away from guidelines in this last successful treatment episode was the added input of family therapy. Unfortunately i think i was the last person in our county to get this, in our field anyway. It made my whole family understand more, accept more and get over more. This is coming back i hear on the grapevine and as they run out of pharmacological solutions ( no pun intended ) for things such as stimulant dependency could return in style.
I was hoping you would have taken a little more for yourself from my post my friend..... we, this generation and the next, owe you and wonders like yourself for most good we have left in our society. You thrive where SS/SC ( the system ) fail time and time again.
I can't promise anything, as i know you are aware, though it would seem i can assure you, to any reasonable person, that you and your enviroment do not pose a threat to this lucky little girl.
As for mum, no judgement. You have to do what you think is best and i know what a tough job that can be. My point about the nice things in life is that they do not come easy especially to someone who has travelled the path i have but happened they have.
Everyone gave up on me at the age of 25, my GP wrote me off as a 'terminal addict' in the old reporting system for the Home Office. I'm 43 now and these positive things have all happened in the last 5 years. Though all along my mum and dad were there for me.
Being there for me meant different things at different times but there they were. I was not there for them and i carry guilt til this day and when i feel low it can begin to come back but i am stronger all the time and mostly just tell my partner and we laugh as she knows how much i love my family. I am there for my parents now they are in their 70s and 80s. I may not have been but i am and so are their grandaughters.
Things could change for all of you ( esp your daughter ) erinshauna, be ready to embrace them if they do and in the meantime find it within yourself to enjoy your grandchild more.
It's me who has overposted now hey. Sorry for talking your ears off.
I said a prayer for you anyway, hoping for postive things to come to the three of you.
My very Best
TonyB

[erinshauna]

Good morning Tony B and all posters.
Is it ok if I have a rant here.Tony B,the last time you posted a reply to me I replied but it got added on to your reply post and I was worried you had not seen it.Did you?? I get so flippin insecure I have been worried that you may think I had ignored your lovely response to me.Ok back to my rant,I have a splitting headache,I am tired,fed up,frustrated,angry,sensitive and I feel like going upstairs and dragging my daughter out of the bed and shaking her into reality.I decided to let her stay last night to have some time with her daughter as most of the time she is out drinking with her friends and disappointing her daughter when she does not turn up for pre-arranged visits.She spent most of last evening complaining about every person in her life,her stress,her anxieties,her problems and I really saw for the first time how self centered she is,the world revolves around her and her drinking and drug taking.Granted she has not taken any heroin for several weeks now but is still smoking skunk and asking for didracodeine any chance she gets as she knows I use them for my arthritis pain.All her problems are everybody else's fault.She barely spoke to her daughter and I just feel she is out there with her friends with no responsibility while I am running around trying to sort out the mess she has created.I have meetings coming out of my ears and in fact have been asked to attend a CPA meeting today.I have social workers sending me form after form to fill in with very personal questions regarding my life,I am attending my grandaughters school sorting stuff out re her change of circumstances,I am travelling back and forth to my other daughter as she has just moved and all the while my drug addicted daughter is complaining about the very people who are trying to help her,she also blames me for Social Sevices becoming involved when really it was her Mental health worker who first contacted SS re her daughter.If I get through today without pulling out my hair it will be a miracle.Hope you all have a great day.Sorry for this rant,probably not appropriate on here but I needed to put this somewhere.Thanks.
Erinshauna

[Jules]

Hi Erinshauna, you rant away my love, that's what this forum is for - to express our fears, frustration, concerns and to ask for and receive advice and help.  I have recently taken the heartbreaking decision to leave my partner due to his alcohol and substance use, not to mention a whole host of other reasons which I won't go into.  As it was, I could no longer afford to live in the flat we shared and have dumped myself back on my parents...penniless but with not a little amount of relief to have removed myself from the situation.  My life is slowly getting back on track thanks to family, friends, the Alliance and my wonderful GP, am 17 months sober, working as a volunteer one day a week at a drop-in and needle exchange and am soon to take up a paid positiion with an alcohol organisation.  HOWEVER, my partner is homeless, jobless and, like your daughter, blaming everyone and everything except himself and his behaviour....and I continue to be involved in his life because I love him and cannot sleep nights for worrying about him - scared that I will receive a phone call to say he is either in prison or in the morgue.  So please believe me when I say I can empathise with the frustration, anger and sadness you are currently experiencing.  You are a wonderful mother and grandmother and I sincerely hope your daughter will find the strength to tackle her demons, get well and one day look back and realise how blessed she really is.
Take care, stay strong and remember you are not alone.  Best wishes Julie