Chat

[phhp]

CONGRATULATIONS my friend.

All the best.

Well done there Sir.  Ya pipes are all still working then!!

Question for the mods:  Why when you use the quote function on this forum doesn't it make the quote, as the initial part of the thread stand out as a quote?  Like on other forums?  Not a dig, just a little bit annoying as it can make posts confusing at first......??

Another question I have often wondered was, I wonder what the majority of users on this forum consider their personal status?  Ie: are there more people using the site that are in recovery, or perhaps completely clean and off their script, or are their many usres of the forum like myself that are still addicts and awaiting a script, or trying hard to sort themselves out?

Over the past six months I have tried so many times to get myself sorted, with buying meth or subbies on the street, and sorting my own programme, but as i'm sure is the same with most, I just couldn't get it together myself, I dunno but when it's down to me to do it the willpower never arrives.  I had even planned to start a thread entitled "My Rattle", and I was gonna post as often as I could going through the rattle day by day.  Still think it would be a good idea, but I just can't get clean on my own!  Sad init!   

Anyway now that I am booked in for an assement at my local cllinic next Tuesday, i'm hoping that with the help of a clinic my 3rd script might work!!  Who knows, but lets hope, I want my life back............

[phhp]

Hi ya All,Ian frm wilts here,

Just been made a dad ,thats my chat over with .All the best

I was ment to quote the above not the post below as I did in my post above!  There's another gripe then the "quote" button is in the wrong place  !!  Hahahaha, sod it don't bother me that much, don't think I am having a go mods!

[froude]

Alright there,PHHP

Nothing wrong with my pipes mate,,you said about using,and trying to give up,remember you have got to be ready to give up,and what one of your threads said"all this talk of needles is making me want a hit"isnt really saying your ready to give up.I really want you to give up and i dont even know you,take each step at a time,dont go buying litre of meth or 100 subbs and think it will work,my true belief is a script!, and with that comes the most important thing a councillor,IT TAKES 5 MINUTES TO GET A HABBIT,and even longer to get off.Maybe the Alliance will help getting you a drug worker in your area.All the best in the future ian frm wilts.

[lynseyrachel]

hi everyone,thort id come on for a 'chat', whilst this is a chat thread!!! My laptops been playinup ALL wkend, even tho it was a brand new one from PC world in febuary............when you spend £700, u dont want it playinup,do you?? especially only a couple of months into buying it!! AAaarrggh!! anyway,some way,some how,its back on and here I am! Well, hows all your weekends been?? I'm aware some of you will have had a lovely weekend, and some of you a crap one..........either way, ifu wana share your weekend with me, without worrying about 'going off topic', like in other forums,come here to the 'chat' forum!! its new, but it seems to becoming alot more popular and its a great way just to have a general chit- chat of just 'let off steam'. Anyways, withme not being able to geton line, ive been missing this old place,lol!! Never mind opiate WD's, ive had alliance-forum WD's!!! LOL!! Well, its bank holiday tomrrow,and i'm just glad its not the last bank holiday we had (Easter), as i was rushed into hospital with pnumonia,which wi know i'm wafflingas horrible, but thats another story altogether!! missed easter morning with my two adorables (my kids!) and they had to open their eggs and prezzies with just dad and no mum.....i know it wasnt my fault, and i couldnt help it, but I felt like i'd SO ruined Easter, what with us all being 50 miles away from home for our Easter break. Instead of them all havin the fun day we'd planned, the adorables and my fella had to come and visit me, with drips in my arms, a breathing mask in a hospital bed- great Easter for them, then, eh??    Its very upsetting for kids to see either of their parents in hospital, ill. it scares them and i had to be very carefull to gently explain what everything was and waht it was for( EG-the drip was just to give mummy a drink 'inside' whist she cudnt drink anything,and stuff like that) it wasnt so nice for me, either-after the 2 nights we'd booked in the appartment, my adorables and my fella had to leave for home, over 50 miles away, so it was NO visitors for me from then- on!!   anyway, enuf of boring u all with that, lets just hope THIS bank holiday is better than the last one!! Did anyone else have one of those Eaters that totslly DIDNT go to plan??  Oh,and Froudes little new arrival- thats certainly been a talking point this week, hasnt it?? How wonderful for him and his parter!! Well done and good luck to all 3 of them,for today, tomorrow and the future to come!!  And, hey! Skroe, i hope uve been tekin it east with yr tablets, there, and hpoe you got yr weekend work done, without TOO much pain- you wanna look into one of them TENS machines, y' know, Skroe ( hey, that rhymes, lol!! I'm a poet and i didnt know it!! he!he!) Seriously, tho, i hope yr ok!!    well, I know i'm waffling, but, just thort i'd come and just have a ' general' chit- chat with you guys!! Right, my friends, im gonna go right off- topic now...............i'm guessing alot of you watch 'the Jerermy Kyle show'? Those of you that do can tell me if anyone else agrees with me that Graham, ' the Genius', is morphing into Harry Hill??!!LOL!! i do!! Simon,Isee youve been turned into, from what i can see, the first' hero member'........i dont know how or why, Simon, but well done all the same, mate!! I'm sure its well- deserved and earned!!    Congrats! well, i'm gonna go now and hopefully my connecton on my laptop will stay ok!! i hope ive helped' lighten' the mood............sometimes its nice to talk about other things- althogh i know thats what we primarily come here!! so anyways..................how was your weekends?? good/ bad or just ok??? see you all soon!! love from lynseyrachel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[froude]

lynseyrachel,

Like the chat,full on, all the best ian frm wilts.

[phhp]

I'm more of a "wright stuff" man on channel 5.  Think Jeremy Kyle is a knob....

[phhp]

Alright there,PHHP

Nothing wrong with my pipes mate,,you said about using,and trying to give up,remember you have got to be ready to give up,and what one of your threads said"all this talk of needles is making me want a hit"isnt really saying your ready to give up.I really want you to give up and i dont even know you,take each step at a time,dont go buying litre of meth or 100 subbs and think it will work,my true belief is a script!, and with that comes the most important thing a councillor,IT TAKES 5 MINUTES TO GET A HABBIT,and even longer to get off.Maybe the Alliance will help getting you a drug worker in your area.All the best in the future ian frm wilts.

I was only kiddin on the needles front, I don't use them.  Although sometimes I do wonder that it might be better if I did.  Cause I can be using anything up to 5-6 bags a day and always wanting more, it's never enough.  So my head sometimes said well if I were to have a hit, that may sattisfy me more to start with and then perhaps another one later in the day and i'll be done!  But I know it doesn't work like that, although it might to start with, i'll only end up with a bigger habit in the end.  So I won't be going down that road, anyways I should hopefully be back on a script in the next month, and so hopefully by the time summer fully kicks in I should be turning things around.  Getting fed up with living like this, wanna get everything I have lost back...........

Good day to you all....

[lynseyrachel]

hi phhp, thanx for the reply.......its rather quiet here today,isnt it?? not many posts. Yeah, he can be a knob, Jeremy kyle, but u gotta laugh at some of the stuff!! i'l never forget when wrighty ' accidently' blurted out that stuff about John Leslie, do u remember?? God, that was funny!! well, I think think this is the first time ive spoken with you, phhp- how r u enjoying yr bankhol?? (Zzzzz- boring, lol!) Are you in recovery, or do u still use? hope dont mind me asking! Me?, well, I unfortnatly, i still use, i have been for 9 years( i smoke it) but am trying to cut down slowly and then give- up in the near(ish) future- i just dont feel that im readt JUST yet, as i have alot of other stuff goin on( dont we all?LOL!) but i am hoping to come off soon. I like to come here as i personally find that it helps to talk, especially as noone knows i use...........anyway, hun, if yr still here and online, i hope to speak to you soon!! love from lynseyrachel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[lynseyrachel]

we mustve been posting at the same time, phhp !! lol!! lynseyrachel xxxxxxxxxxx

[phhp]

Yeah i do remember him blurting out all that stuff, taht was funny as!

Yeah reall enjoying the bank holiday - I have just mowed the lawn yawn!  Run out of gear, and on the last beer!  Snooker is about to finish, and the ice cream van is making it's pathetic noise's in the streets around.  Think i'll have to put the drum and bass on....

Yeah I still use, as I said above not long run out of gear, gonna have to go and score in a couple of hours, have an early appointment tomorrow, so need to make sure I have something to wake up with , let alone fall asleep with!  Yeah same as you, feel I need to keep going with it as I have so many issues going on at the moment, and it does a great job of blocking all that out!  But at the same time, really could do with sorting myself out as i'm sure it'll be better in the long run, getting my life back to the way it was before, oh that would be so nice.  Just all those emotiions that come flooding back when you start a cluck and all those thoughts that you have been trying to block out, and to be honest I would still like to keep at the door.

I'm sure i'll turn into an alcoholic again aswell, but thats all part and parcel I suppose!  It's either one or the other with me, dunno why, just gotta have something do you know what I mean?

What about you, how's your weekend?  I notice you mentioned a partner, do you both use, support each other etc?  I hope you don't mind me asking.  Me and my ex were both addicts (well still are!) although she was on a meth script, haven't spoken since October so I don't know about now, but i'm sure she is still on it, and i'm sure she is still using aswell, some things don't change hahahaha...........

[lynseyrachel]

Hi phhp, no, i dont mind you asking anything at all, ask away!! No, luckily, even tho ive used now for 9 yrs solid, my parter never has, weve been together for 15 years now, and im only 30,lol!! well, ok, uve run outta gear, but it wud be alot worse if ud run out of money, aswell. weve all been there, i'm sure!! ( bank hols and sundays always seem to be the worst, dont they??!!) i REALLY hope yr appointment goes well tomorrow, phhp, and i was reading on yr other post about you wanting methadone, instead of subutex/ suboxone/ naltaxone, as you felt you responded better with this, so i hope all goes the way u want it to,altho, like you said, the main thing is getting A script and starting your journey of becoming AND staying clean, and i guess theyre the expers and know whats best for you, not just what YOU may think is best, but it wud help alot if you got wat u actually wanted, phycologically, aswell as physically!! do you get what i'm saying, hun? sometimes, i find it hard to type out what i'm trying to say, and cos my brains gon faster that my hand can type!! me? well, ive just been having a ' lazy' bankhol wkend, tekinit easy, havin a bit of a spring clean, and tring to fix the connection problem with my laptop!! My adorables are back at skool tomorrow( and, hey! just cos i call my kids ' my adorables', dosent mean they ARE adorable 24/7, behaviour wise, LOL!! they can fight like cat and dog!!) thats kids for you!! My fella is very supportive of me, but, wud well want rid of the situation i'm in, given the choice!! is it me, or does today ' feel' like a Sunday?? keep taking care of yrself, and stay in touch, phhp and everyone else. im loving you all!! see you all soon, love n kisses from lynseyrachel      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[lynseyrachel]

Good morning friends! howya all doin? I'm ok, so, ive come here for a little chat!! As ive been promising some of my pesronal stories, and not yet delivered, i thought that i'd make my first installment now!! (yikes!) i'm a bit nervous about doing this, and thats why ive not written any of my ' stories' yet.........for a few reasons- until i came here, to this site, for the first time, a few weeks ago, i'd never spoken of my addiction to anyone, as noone knows i use. it can be hard to write it down, and can bring back bad memories and heavy regrets, but to conquer my addiction, one of the things ive been told to do, that will help, is talk. talk about my experiences, my feelings, my problems, etc. i've also been nervous cos i think that people will not be interested, or think bad of me- but if ive learned anything about this place, ive learned that people do not judge me or look down on me, like the rest of society wud, if they knew what i was and what i do. it makes me carry alot of feelings of shame, and i think that is cos i hide it all from everyone and cant talk and let my feelings out. oh my gosh, i'm waffling on agen, arent i?! sorry!! xx
       Right, here goes..............my first ' story' - and what more appropriate subject for my first story wud be my first time i ever used heroin.........9 yrs ago. Are you sitting comfortablly??, then i'll begin.
It was a lovely summers day, blue sky, hot sun, just gorgeous. But i didnt feel lovely, i felt crap.I'd had no sleep thru taking amphetamine the nite before. back then, that was my drug of choice, i used to take it on almost a daily basis, only stopping for a couple of days here and there, to let my body recover from the lack of sleep and food and all the rushing about it makes you do. when feeling so rough, the only thing for me to do was to sleep it off, or take more ( usaually the latter) this particular summers day, I felt AWFUL, had tried to sleep but despite being tierd, i just couldnt sleep, so tried to go and get some more.Nothing. Noone had any and i was gutted, as i felt sooo rough. Back home, we had a friend staying with us. he had been our friend for many years, and had also stayed at our house many times before, that was nothing new. he was a heroin addict- had been one since before we even knew him, but, apart from that, was just a 'normal' guy. I'd seen him use heroin on many occasions,and it had NEVER appealed to me, not in the slightest. To be honest, i couldnt understand why anyone wud spend money to just make you go to sleep!! I was an 'uppers' girl!! Well, guys, to cut a long story short, i foolishly asked our friend to letme have some off his ' stuff', instead. The answer was no, no, NO!! But i pestered him SOOO much, he eventually gave in. least to say, it took away my feelings of feeling so rough, but was ever so sick........but not enuf to put me off taking it again, or i wudnt be in the stupid position ive put myself in now. Anyway, here my story goes ther way a lot of other peoples stories go................occasional use, here and there, then every wkend, then a bit in the middle of the week, just to ' treat' myself, then eventually leading onto everday use and a full- blown addiction. How stupid cud i get?? thats me for you! i'm gonna have to rush off now, but thats the end of  my ' the first time i used heroin' story, but i'l be adding a lot more of my experiences over the coming days/ weeks/ months. ive taken the plunge, now, and got the worst bit over now, by opening up and speaking about it!! look, i GOTTA go, but hope you are all ok and dont find my constant wafflings boring. love to you all, my friends. have a nice afternoon, love from lynseyrachel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[lynseyrachel]

hi all, hope yr weekends going well!! Ive been positively MELTING in the heat of the last few days, its been very hot, hasn't it guys? even my poor cat dosn't know what to do with herself - with the warm weather being a bit late this year, and with it coming so suddenly, without it gradually getting warmer, bit by bit, she's not moulted yet, and still has her winter fur, so is feeling VERY hot, poor thing!! She's an elderly cat, coming in at the grand old age of 12!! Anyways, this hot weather is what ive been waiting for!! oh, how i HATE winter!! The cold weather, the going dark practically straight after the school- run, the long nights and dark mornings........yuk, i hate it! Some people think winter's 'cosy' ..... I DON'T!! Also, the great thing about summer is, is that you dont need much money, or ANY money, to go out with the kids or your partner on a picnic, or a nice walk etc. In bloody winter, its dark for 4pm, you certainly CANT go on picnics (lol) and if u wanna tek the kids out, its gotta be somewhere indoors, ie bowling, cinema, family pub etc..........and, that means money, money money. Do you get what i'm trying to say?? Living can be expensive enuf!! One of the reasons i really dilsike the winter months, is that i suffer from a condition called ' SAD' (Seasonal Affective Disorder, i think it stands for!) Its a condition, that over the last few years, has luckily become more widely recognised and there is more support and information out there for the sufferers of it. SAD is so much more than just simply disliking the cold weather and the dark nights.........its a chamical imbalance in the brain.We all have these chemicals in our brains, but, for some reason, some people are more prone to suffering an imbalance with them, than others. In winter, due to the lack of sunshine and short days, our brains dont produce as much of this chemical, sometimes known as ' the happy hormone' (i think it its called serotonin or maybe melatonin........... i'm sure one of the staff, or simon can tell me!!) and like i said, some people suffer more than others, hence the condition SAD.............not a very scientific explanation, guys, but i hope ive just outlined the basics! For the last 20 months ive been taking ' fluoxetine', prescribed by my GP,( which i only found out a couple of weeks ago, is also prozac!) which  has taken me thru the last 2 winters and the improvement has been DRAMATIC !! dont get me wrong guys, i still prefer the summer months ( don't we all?!) but iv'e just ' sailed' thru!! Ithink it's becos the fluoxetine sorts out the chemical imbalance, making me feel ' normal' at winter.Ive suffered from SAD for as long as i can remember, so its such a releif to not feel how i used to!! Gosh, how do people survive in Norway,'the land of the midight sun'........cos  its light for 6 months ( hence the name) but, what alot of people forget is, that its also DARK for 6 months!! i'm sure i read somewhere that there is a high number of SAD sufferers living in this country! i'm not surprised!! Anyway, enuf of my waffling, hope you all have a nice weekend and ENJOY the HOT weather............it'l be winter agen before you know it, lol !! take care, my friends, love from lynseyrachel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[skroe]

Nice posts Lynseyrachel, Apart from the Heroin Addiction, Its crazy how we all thought We could use with out getting Hooked, I was one of them people that used for a good while, until it took hold of everything I did.
Its so good to be able to wake up not having to worry about getting you first hit, then spend the hole day just fucused on getting as much money has you could, everyday was the same, Always ill in the morning to I got my bag and shot it up my veins, did'nt care for nothing just making sure I got my next Bag.
The hurt in my parents eyes I also remember!! Dreadful waste.
I'm just thinking what I would be doing if I wasnt on the Methadone. Its so nice, Dont get me wrong its always at the back of you mind heroin, or if your methadone was messed up, and you couldnt get any, I still dream alot of being still on Heroin, more so anixety type dreams back to the days of hustling your next bag.
I've been painting Graffiti more-Including walls with my pals, next week I'm off to my first Jam of the Summer, were me and my crew are painting with around 70 other writers to paint a Bode themmed wall, Breaking the record of the biggest bode wall in Europe, None of this would be possible if I was still using.

My neubour below me is using, and keeps asking me to lend him money, I dont like to see Anybody ill with heroin withdrawal having been there myself, but I no longer keep any funds here in my flat.
I've not took any DF's for a while, arthritis is not so bad latly while Ive been taken the tablets from my Doctor.

 I feel like having a drink later its nice weather too.

Anyway got to go I'll post up some recent Graffiti in a bit, been busy. Take care, look after your self, Peace and Love-Kevin..   

[mcdermott]

I still dream alot of being still on Heroin, more so anixety type dreams back to the days of hustling your next bag.

I haven't used since the 70's, but I still have that dream where you've scored, and you've got the dope, but you haven't got a works and you haven't got anything to hold the dope in, so you've got it in your hands, and as you're trying to find a works, it's quickly running out through the gaps between your fingers.

And it's still the most unpleasant dream that I ever have.